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Save The Dead Rabbit
Save the dead rabbit
A man was driving along the highway, and saw a rabbit hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the rabbit, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of the car and was hit. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road and got out to see what had become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit was dead. The driver felt so awful he began to cry.
A woman driving down the highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained. "I accidently hit this rabbit and killed it."
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew what to do. She went to her car trunk and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead rabbit, and sprayed the contents of the can onto the rabbit. Miraculously, the rabbit came to life, jumped up, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped down the road
Yo Mama Jokes
Yo mama jokes
1. Yo mama is so fat that when she lays on the beach kids run around her and say Free Willy.
2.Yo mama is so stupid that she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
3. Yo mama is so fat that when she wears a yellow rain jacket people yell Taxi!!!
4. Yo mama is so stupid that she sits on her food and eats her chair.
5. Yo mama is so fat that when she went to an empty football field she got claustrophobic.
6. Yo mama is so stupid that she sits on the T.V. and wathces the couch.
7. Yo mama is so stupid that when you got home from school and asked what was for dinner she pulled a shotgun at you and said Whatever
8. Yo mama is so fat that when your gonna shake her hand she has to give you directions.
9. Yo mama is so fat that joggers run around her for a mile of exercise.
Q1. What do you call a man with no legs or arms in a pool?
Q2. What do you call a leper (not leopard) in a bath tub?
Q3. What do you call a girl with 1 leg?
Q4. What do you call a man with no legs or arms, water skiing?
Q.5 What do you call a man who has no legs and is at your front door?
Q6. What do you call a man who repeats everything you have said?
(Scroll down for answers, but don't forget the number it is)
Free planet trip
Giving sad news to a troop
The Captain called the Sergeant in. "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. "Listen up, men," says the Sergeant. "Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander."
Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. "Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?" "Yes, sir," answered the Sarge.
A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, "Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful."
So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. "Ok, m
I want to buy thatI Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
Journey across the ocean
Journey Across The Ocean
There's a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. They all got a letter that said if they swam across the pacific ocean they would get $2,100,000.
The red head was the first one to try and she made it 1/4 of the way there but drowned.
Then it was the brunette's turn to try she got it 1/2 way there but then drowned.
Finally it was the blonde's turn, she swam and swam and was 9 feet from the other shore but then she got tired so she went back.
The Wishing Eagle
The Wishing Eagle
3 hikers walk all the way to a cliff and see an eagle. The eagle swoops down just in front of them and said it could grant 3 wishes and that each hiker would get 1 wish. But the only way to get the wish is if you run off the cliff and say the wish. So Hiker #1 Ran off the cliff and said I wish I was an eagle. He transformed into an eagle and flew over the 2 Hikers. Hiker #2 Ran off the cliff and said I wish I was pigeon. He transformed into a pigeon and flew over the last Hiker. So finally Hiker #3 Ran but stumbled over a rock and said "Oh, Crap"
The 1st and 2nd business men were found as birds, but the Death of the 3rd Hiker was unknown.
3 businessmen had gotten a private jet. The private jets engine blew up and the jet hurled toward an island. The 3 businessmen survived, but the pilot had died. Later Indians captured the men. The Indians took them to their leader. The leader said "find 10 fruit of the same kind" The Businessmen did as they were told. Businessman #1 came up to the leader with 10 apples. The leader said "Shove them all up your behind without showing any Frustration or emotion." The businessmen got to the 3rd apple but than screamed, so they killed him. Businessman #2 came up to the leader with 10 grapes. The leader said "Shove them all up your behind without showing any Frustration or emotion." The businessman got to the last one but than he started laughing at the top of his lungs, so they killed him.
UP IN HEAVEN: Businessman #1 asked Businessman #2 Why did you laugh when he was on the last one. Businessman #2 Told "The other guy was bringin back pineapples.
African, Chinese,and American
African, Chinese, and American
Theres a plane with an African, Chinese, and an American. The plane was flying over Africa, so the African said, "I love my country." So he threw grapes out of the plane. Then the plane started to fly over China. So the Chinese man said, "I love my country so he threw a bag of rice out the plane." Then the plane was flying over America. So the American said, "I hate my Country!" Pushed a bomb out the window. Once the African had landed he drove to his house but on the way he saw a little kid crying on the side of the road. He asked, "why are you crying" and the kid said "I was hit on the head with a bag of grapes." Once the Chinese man had landed he drove to his home, But he saw a teenager crying. He said, "why are you crying" The teenager said, "I was hit in the head with a bag of rice."
Once the American had landed he rode home to his wife, but saw an old man laughing on the side of the road. He rode up next to him and a
All Here For A ReasonI turned onto a shady, well-manicured driveway that, for all intents and purposes, looked harmless enough. Maple trees lined both sides of the street, and a parade of Canadian geese marched across the road to a wide duck pond with a flamboyant fountain. There were blooming crepe myrtles and rose-of-sharons, and as I grew closer to my destination, neatly trimmed gardens with neatly trimmed bushes.
I stopped to let the geese pass. They looked at me; one hissed. I honked my horn and moved around them.
At the end of the road sat a collection of grayish buildings and a number of signs directing me to the appropriate parking lot. "Welcome to Ten Creeks Hospital," said one of them. "Please enjoy your stay." I parked in the visitor's lot. Surely I wouldn't be staying.
I was shaking when I got out of my car. I had spent the morning getting high. One foot in front of the other, flip-flop noises, hot sidewalk. Mulberry and magnolia trees, freshly shaved grass. A bench and pan for smokers. A set o
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